M.U.S.C.L.E.

There is a 100% correlation between the
involvement of Mattel in a video game and
that video game's being incredibly awful. You'll
see this more in future installments, I guarantee. 

 Publisher: Bandai
Year: 1986
Genre: Fighting
AKA: Tag Team Match MUSCLE


M.U.S.C.L.E. is an awful, ungodly little wrestling game based on a line of tiny vinyl inaction figures based on some Japanese series that, as far as I can tell, is a parody of Mexican masked wrestling. I didn't delve much deeper than that, so knowing how anime usually turns out, they're probably actually magical schoolgirls who transform into tiny vinyl figures to time travel and do battle with a vile alliance of Mark Twain and James Joyce in a literary showdown to decide the fate of the world. Wow, that sounds vastly more interesting than this game.

Sadly, only one graphical glitch showed up to watch
the match that night between a knight in a mankini
and Fu Manchu, and a generic white guy and a
more different generic white guy.

John's Score: 1.0 out of 5.0. This game is so shitty that it insults shit to call it shitty. Not to sound overly like the Angry Nintendo Video Game Nerd here, but the game is terminally bland, chronically glitchy and, even if everything goes according to plan, duller than watching paint dry.